Just For Laughs

 

JUST FOR LAUGHS

UOAA UPDATE 11/12

 

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.  He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that you can hear them again.” The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

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Morris, an 82 year old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.  A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.  A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “Wow, you’re really doing great aren’t you?” Morris replied, I’m just doing what you said Doc: “Get a hot momma and be cheerful.” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that! I said, you’ve got a heart murmur, be careful.”

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.  That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issues Herman a toothbrush.  That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.  On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.  The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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Is it my imagination but do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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My weight is perfect for my height which varies.

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I used to be indecisive but now I’m not sure.

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One thing nice about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

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What is a “free”gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

 


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